Giving birth to a beautiful marriage.

In the last few weeks I have been fortunate enough to learn a lot from my church and several books about the importance of marriages and how to make them what they are supposed to be, a gift from God. One of the main things that I have gathered from all this information is the importance of saving things (being pure) for marriage; things that in this day and age are usually not saved. To be honest, nothing was saved for my previous marriage and unfortunately because of that, it failed. To think back on it makes me realize how much more special things are when we wait for them. When we were a child we would wait all year long for our birthdays and for Christmas for that special time in the day when we would open our gifts. The anticipation grew bigger and bigger every day as it drew closer and closer. If every day was Christmas what would we have to look forward to?

I was talking to a friend about this issue this morning and it made me reflect back on when my children were born. When we found out that we were going to have a baby, we weren’t able to just make the decision and then, BAM…..here’s your baby! No, we found out that we were having a baby and then we had to wait another 7 or 8 months before we were able to hold that beautiful little thing in our arms for the first time. Not much different than waiting on marriage……is it?

A lot of couples decide not to find out the sex of their baby until the moment that the doctor pulls the baby out of the womb and lays it in mommy’s arms. While others would like to find out the sex the day they find out that they are pregnant. Some people want to see their baby in 3D/4D, while others are happy just to hear the heartbeat. This is similar to the impatient feeling that we have when we first start a relationship with someone. We want to find out as much as possible about this person……AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Sometimes this means finding the heartbeat; having those deep conversations and enjoying the fun things in life together. In other cases unfortunately, temptation takes over and we decide that we want to see the full picture in 3D/4D and we have premarital sex, move in together, and/or maybe both. As a society we have this idea in our heads that we have to ‘test drive’ everything before we buy it. Not a bad idea in theory, but what good does that really do us with something as pure and beautiful as our child; or our marriage? We don’t get a test drive with our kids, yet we love them forever (or at least we should), so why do we feel so obligated to test drive our marriages. Shouldn’t we simply find the heartbeat and let it grow more and more intense until the day that the marriage is born?  

I will always remember the excitement and joy associated with my children being born. My love for them grew more and more day by day, until that day when I was finally able to lay my eyes and hands on them. It wasn’t having them in my daily life that made me fall in love with them; it was the anticipation of having them in my daily life. If we live everyday of our dating life as if we’re married, than what do we have to look forward to when we finally get married? Where is the anticipation? I had never given it much thought before, but I didn’t even have sex on my wedding day. What in the world……why was that? Well, it was because nothing was new, there was nothing special about it because we had already done it so many times before. There was nothing to anticipate! (Apologies to my mom if she’s reading this.)

In writing this my hope is that others reading this will find that they feel the same way I do and decide that they want to stand strong in their beliefs and wait. That they will decide that they want that anticipation that comes with patience and that they want that EXPLOSION of emotions on that very special day when it all comes together for the very first time. Even better than that, I hope that others join me in taking a walk on God’s path to marriage, one that comes with great rewards of grace and mercy.

 

Psalm 119:9-10

9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. 10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. 11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

“Wittle prawers”

Being a parent is such a blessing…..and a wonderful responsibility too. For those of you who have children, I’m sure that you agree. It is so amazing how much they look to us for inspiration and direction. As much as they may or may not say it or we may or may not think it, we really are their role models. I can remember several occasions in their short lives where I have said to myself, “Wow, there’s my little boy”, or “Wow, there’s my little girl”. All it took was for them to enjoy the same show I enjoyed as a kid, or the same music that I enjoyed growing up. If you’ve read my other posts you’ll know that I grew up listening to 80’s hair bands. Poison, Skid Row, Warrant…….the list goes on. I was so excited to be able to take my oldest son Zachary to his first concert several years ago at the Bricktown ballpark. It was Def Leppard and he loved it. “POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME”, he still loves that song. He plays that more than any other song on Guitar Hero, and it’s something that we get to enjoy together.  About that same time, he got involved in one of my all time favorite TV shows……..The Dukes of Hazard. Man, how we would love to have a General Lee, but who wouldn’t, right? Looking back I actually wish I would’ve named my boys Bo and Luke…….just kidding, well maybe.

But it doesn’t stop there; they don’t just pick up on your interests. They pick up on your behavior and habits as well. Up until a year and a half ago I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. There were several reasons that I quit, but looking back I’m so glad I did because now me and my kids enjoy the same freedom of not being around it. If they smoke when they are older, I want it to be because they made the decision to do it, not because I had made it an integral part of their lives.

I can see my love in them, I can see my anger in them, and I can even see my fears in them. Not that I didn’t realize my role as their father before, but my walk with God has definitely helped me see the true impact that I have on their lives. It’s helped me realize, that in a world where there are so many things that can drag them down, I need to be the person that shows them how to steer away from those very things. I have to lead them by example and show them how to make wise decisions. And when I mess up, because I will, I have to show them how to take responsibility for my actions and even more importantly how to learn from them. I have to show them how to have faith and have a relationship with God.

It’s become an awesome tradition at our house for us all to sit and pray with each other before going to bed every night. I’ve found that by praying together it reveals a lot about our heart for each other, feelings that we may not otherwise express. When I pray, and thank the lord for my three kids, it gives them encouragement. And when they pray for me, it gives me encouragement as well. The four of us have gained so much in our journey towards him. Probably one of the biggest blessings that we have gained is the wonderful relationships, the people that we now have in our lives to live life with.

My daughter Brooklynn (4) often complains about the length of my prayers. “That was a wong prawer daddy!” I normally just explain to her how I had so much to talk to Him about, so much that I wanted to thank him for. Last night Brooklynn told her first long prayer…….and it melted my heart. I had the biggest smile on my face the entire time, and had to fight to hold back the tears. “Thank you Lord for daddy and his best fwiend. Thank you Lord for bubba and his best fwiend. Thank you Lord for Jacob and his best fwiend…….” It went on for about 3 or 4 minutes and the entire time she was thanking Him for all the wonderful people that we now have in our lives. It was beautiful! It was an awesome reminder that God can direct their path through my obedience. Rather than giving into her complaints of my long prayers, I could stick to my guns and his, and watch her blossom into a long prayer giver too. J

Thank you again to my LifeChurch and Damascus peeps, as well as my family and friends. You guys have been a wonderful light on me and my family. Thank you Lord, for your mercy and grace, and all the wonderful blessings you have provided.

Brian Crosson

What’s up with this place?!

In a country with all of our modern and time saving conveniences you’d think we would be more apt to take the time we should, to do the things we should. Case in point: I am heading back to work today after grabbing lunch and as I am coming through a grocery store parking lot I see a guy getting into his truck. He has just emptied the contents of his basket into his truck and is getting ready to leave. Does he kindly take his shopping cart back into the store? Mind you, he is in the second parking spot and it’s maybe 30-40yds tops. Does he take the cart to the nearest cart corral?

 NO!!! He does not; he leaves it in the spot next to his and watches it for a second to make sure it doesn’t move. As he climbs into his truck, eyes still on the cart, it starts to s.l.o.w.l.y. creep out of its spot. He watches…….and watches…….as it picks up speed, with no intention of getting out to stop it. BAM!!!!!!!! It hits the mini-van behind me. The driver of the mini-van gets out, as does the man who left the cart to do as it pleases, and grabs the cart. As I watch to see what the guy, who left the cart, is going to do….expecting that he will apologize and finally take the cart to one of the two places, he shrugs his shoulders as if to say “oh man, that sucks” and watches the driver of the mini-van take it into the store, while he hops into his truck and takes off.

In my walk with Christ I have learned that you have to be patient with people and understand them before you try to be understood. I always try to think, “What would Jesus do?” In this case he may have pulled a Gibbs (NCIS) and slapped the guy across the back of the head………….No, I doubt it. What he would have done, is just as the man in the mini-van had done. He would have grabbed the cart, and shown the man that left it how easy it was to put away. It’s not always easy to bite our tongues and not lash out at other people, but it is what’s best. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t say anything, and let people do as they please. But don’t you think people are more likely to follow your lead if you kindly grab their hand and show them the way, instead of pushing them from behind.

It’s kind of funny. Truth be told, I started this post as a rant towards a guy who didn’t put up his shopping cart. As I wrote it and explained the Love that the guy in the mini-van showed, my feeling towards the situation and perspective on it did a 180. I guess if I can add one more thing to take from this………stop and count to 10. When you see something that upsets you or throws you for a loop, stop and think about it for a second. Think about the kind man that put up the other dudes shopping cart, and remember that Gods Love exceeds all others. “What would Jesus do?”

Brian Crosson

“Here I go again on my own”

You’re probably thinking….I’ve heard that somewhere? Well, if you’re a product of the eighties hair band era, than yes you have. It was a popular song sang by the band Whitesnake and it seems to speak to the feeling of failure after the end of a relationship. Seem like a familiar feeling? Uh, it does to me.  Married for 12 years, divorced in less than one. Not something that everyone strives for…I know I didn’t. No one lives their life thinking, “I want to have one of the 50% of marriages that ends in divorce!” It was a horrible feeling, one that I tried to hide. I put blame and anger ahead of it. It was much easier that way. I knew that I had failed, but why would I beat myself up over it, when I could beat her up with the blame. Well…that’s when God stepped in, and put a stop to it.

Unfortunately, as with many marriages, we had begun to take each other for granted, for 13 years we were pretty much the “one and only” in each other’s life. Somehow though, we didn’t see the importance in that. When it all ended, we were both singing “Here I go again on my own”. It was scary. No one to turn to, no one to hold, no one to…..well the list goes on. It was all gone. All those things that meant so much, but that were taken for granted, were….all…..gone! When this happens, when you lose something or someone you love what’s the first thing you do? You try to replace it. You try to find someone else to take their place. It’s just not that easy though, or at least I didn’t think it was.

See, all in one instance I had two major problems on my hands. I was single and pissed off. I went from being married and content to alone and angry. The funny thing is……God didn’t see these as problems. No, he saw these as stepping stones. He saw a man that was lost in pain, a pain that could be used to help find his way, his way to Him. At that time, I don’t know if I could tell you exactly what took me to church? My brother went to church and talked about it often, but as much of an influence as he was…I don’t know that he was really the reason I went. Looking back……it was God that invited me! I mean, I had been before…..but not like this. He brought me to a place where he knew that I would find him, and when he did, he touched me, and I mean he touched me hard. I have never felt so much emotion come over me at one time like that. It started with a sermon and ended with a hand in the air. I gave my life to Him, and he was willing to take it.

Now don’t get me wrong, He’s not done, he’s far from it, and the changes made……well they didn’t happen overnight, but that first step was probably the biggest. It was that point when you’ve been knocked on your butt and you have to swallow your pride and realize that you need help back up! It was from that point on where he started putting people in my life that would line the path that he wanted me to take. He started teaching me things, things about life. He taught me that I’m not alone. That he is always there, He will never leave my side. He taught me that I don’t have to be angry. I can forgive, because I am forgiven. He has taken my pain and convictions along with my fears and desires, and used them to shape me.

It reminds me of Malachi 3:3, which says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver', and a story I read about that particular verse.

“This verse puzzled a group in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of them offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.” ~ source unknown.

You see, God is there the entire time we are in the “fire”. He is there watching us, ensuring that we are not destroyed by the flames. Holding us in those flames until…until he sees himself in us. That’s really all he wants, for us to seek him out, to pursue him, and try, just try to live in his word. He knows that we will fail. It’s a given, but he wants us to learn from the mistakes we make and follow him to salvation.

So…..you may ask, are you still singing that same song? Well actually I am now, but just because I can’t get the words out of my head. But in all honesty, NO, I am no longer singing that song. I am now singing “How He Loves”, and “Not Alone”, because I know that He loves me and…..that I am not alone.

In the end, I hope that you can take these words and put them to good use. You don’t have to completely understand it, but I hope that you will at least see what wonderful things can come of a life seeking the One. He has changed my life, changed my life forever, and if you know me and my children, you know that He has changed theirs too.

Anyways, if you’ve made it this far, I think you so much and I hope that you will come back for the next one.

Again, I want to thank my family, LifeChurch, and Damascus for lining my path. Thank you, God for putting these people in my life so that I would find you.

 Brian Crosson.

So.......it begins.

I've often contemplated blogging, writing my thoughts for others to see. But, as I am sure with many others, fear often holds me back. "Will anyone care what I have to say", "Will anyone agree with what I say", "Will my grammar, be correct?" That last one was sarcasm, but I am sure that it won't be. Lol. These are all questions that have plagued my mind and kept me from doing it up to this point. You see, the truth of it is that what everyone else thinks........well doesn't really matter. As a follower of Christ, I have found that His opinion is all that matters. You know what though? The cool thing about that is that 100% of the time, if you seek his approval you will eventually get everyone else's. Our God is a good God, with good intentions, and when you live your life with those same good intentions.....where can you go wrong? I say you can't! So......it begins.

I have a close friend at work who is a blogger, and although I have never read her blog, I get to see the work that she puts into it. At lunch I often get up from my desk and catch a glimpse of the pictures that she posts on her blog. They are always pictures of her husband or her dog, the things in life that she absolutely adores, and they tell a story to her family and friends of the love that they have together. It's been inspirational, to see her put so much effort into something that means so much to her. It's actually gave me something to look forward to, something that I now seek in a future partner.

What? You may ask. Why would that be something that you would seek in a future partner? You want to marry a blogger? Well.......let me tell you. It comes down to a persons ability to express ones feelings, something that God loves for us to do. He asks that we live transparent lives, so that we as followers can shine his light on others. He knows that those words you speak, or the actions that you do, will either lead to your salvation, or someone else's. Your continued love and affection towards your spouse, just may impress that love and affection on someone else towards their spouse. The story you tell, may just remind someone that they are not alone. Your smile or "Thank you" may just remind someone on an otherwise horrible day, that there is a God, that there is something to live for. There are endless possibilities as to what your stories may do for someone else, or yourself.

God likes to perform miracles, and the cool thing about it is that he likes to use you and me to do it. Most of us walk around waiting for something to happen, unfortunately we don't do a whole lot to make it happen. OPEN YOUR MOUTH! Sometimes that's all it takes. If you are in need, let someone know. God has put that person in your life, on that day, at that time, so that they can fulfill your miracle for Him. Sometimes it's difficult to ask for help, but just remember, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Wouldn't YOU want to help your brother?

Well I guess my immaturity as a blogger is probably starting to show......I think I got completely off track and have began to ramble. Anyways, back to my future partner. This week at Church we actually started a new series called, From This Day Forward. Pastor Craig Groeschel spoke about us seeking God as our #1, before we seek our #2. If we first seek God, we will discover who we are in Him, and that will prepare us for our future spouse. He also emphasized that we should first become the type of person that we want to marry. So.......here I am blogging, so that I may one day marry a blogger. Hahahaha, nope not that easy, but it does sound good in theory. The thing is, is that God will let me know who I am to marry. As long as I work at improving myself for his Glory, he will bless me with someone that is doing the same. Does that mean that she too will have a blog? .........I guess we'll see.

I hope to continue to track my walk, as a testimony and a reminder. A reminder to keep me focused and keep me accountable to the things that God has put on my heart. It is easy to get off track, and forget where you are going. I, as my friend does, will also use this as an avenue to share things about my family. To talk about OUR walk, and just to share the fun little things that come with being a parent.

I would like to thank my family, and my families at LifeChurch and Damascus, for helping me through the hard times, and for directing me to the path to Jesus. Without you as his miracle there is no telling where I would be. I would also like to thank my co-worker (you know who you are) and an old friend from school (who's blog I read tonight) for being the inspirations that led to me starting this adventure. Last but definitely not least I'd like to thank the Lord himself, for reaching out to me so that I could find him.

God bless you all,
Brian.