Bad Company

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

This verse came to mind as I rushed around the house trying to get me and my three kids ready for work and school this morning. Not because I had a particular person in mind, but because I was thinking about my alarm and how many times I had hit the snooze button. My alarm was set for 5 o’clock and I didn’t get up until…..well, let’s just say that I hit that snooze button a few times too many.

For any of you “snoozers” out there, you know what I’m talking about. The snooze button seems to be your friend, “hey buddy, just lay back down for a little bit longer. I’ll wake you up again in a few minutes.” So what do you do? Yep, you lie back down and go right back to sleep again.

Ten minutes later it’s going off again; and there waits your friend. “Hey buddy, no rush, just one more time. You’ve got plenty of time to get a little more sleep. Besides, you set me a little early this morning; go back to bed.” Next thing you know you’re waking up to your alarm screaming at you and you’re realizing that you’ve slept through 5 rounds of snooze without even realizing it. “Oh crap!!” Now you’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get yourself and three kids up and ready for the day. Bad thing is you are already out of time. So now, for some reason, you think that screaming and yelling at everyone will make things better and magically get them all ready for school. Nope, not so much. Let’s just say if your day wasn’t starting off bad enough; it’s even worse now because you’re realizing that you just made your kids feel bad for something that was your fault. “Way to go DAD!”
So where are you going with this, you ask. Actually I’m not sure. Other than to say that the snooze button can often be like that one friend you have, you know the one that your parents say is a bad influence. Well, that’s your snooze button for you; or at least for me any ways. He sits there enticing me with his opportunities to do something that I shouldn’t do, but would have so much more fun doing. He makes you feel loved, like he is doing you a favor. Bad thing is, it’s not actually a favor; no, it’s a trap. I don’t want to get up, I want to stay in bed; and he knows that, so he uses it to bait me in. Next thing you know, he’s laughing at me hysterically (or at least that’s what it sounds like) as I am finding myself in the very bind that I had hoped to keep myself out of.

Do not be deceived: “snooze buttons ruin good morals.” 1 Crossons 15:33

Every day is a new day.

It may sound a little cliché, but it's true. Every day is a new day.

Unfortunately, we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
With that in mind we should do our best to live everyday to its fullest.


A new day to love those closest to you.

A new day to serve those around you.

A new day to share yourself with new people.

A new day to be the person you want to be.

A new day to create the legacy that you want to leave behind.

A new day to pursue the love that has been placed on your heart.

A new day to be thankful to a God that has stolen your heart.

A new day to ............

What does a new day look like to you?
Feel free to share what your new day brings.

*The post with no name*

As I put my thoughts together for this post, I had a couple of names come to mind. Names like “The reason Jesus is crying” and “Will the real Jesus please stand up”. The first seemed a little tacky (and honestly there are a lot more reasons for Him to cry), and the second has already been used. But both of them (as do many others) come to mind when I really sit and think about the things that God has laid on my heart lately.

This evening I saw a story on the news about a pastor that I have a lot of respect for. This pastor has been very instrumental in my walk with Christ by helping me understand what God’s love, mercy, and grace truly mean. The story talked about how this pastor had used his money (made off of the books he writes) to buy a $1.6M home. It wasn’t the story itself that made me really think, but the “Rant’s” that came in afterwards. Many of the comments were bashing this pastor for the way he had spent his money. I can’t lie and say that I totally agree with his decision. I mean let’s face it from the outside looking in, it probably doesn’t look very good. But let’s look at the real issue with what ensued after this story was run.

Many of these comments came from people that may not necessarily believe. And that’s ok. The problem is in the comments from the believers and why the nonbelievers feel the way they do.

“The reason Jesus is crying”-

As a parent, nothing is more frustrating or upsetting than seeing or hearing your kids bully each other. It is one thing to have the kid down the street picking on your son, but when it’s his own brother it’s absolutely devastating. You can easily explain to your son that the kid down the street does not know him enough to truly judge therefore he should brush it off and move on. But when it comes from his brother, who truly knows him, it’s a little bit harder to explain. Matter of fact, it’s almost impossible. The only explanation you can give is that we are all human and that we all make mistakes and will always fall short of the glory of God. But this doesn’t make it any easier; it doesn’t always remove the pain that has already been inflicted.
In the book of Romans Paul writes:
So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say, “ ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow to me and every tongue will confess allegiance to God.’ “ Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. (Romans 14:10-13 NLT)

When I read this tonight I was reminded of all of the judgment and condemning that I see us (Christians) inflicting on one another. Whether it be those who have judged this pastor, those who judge churches because they don’t believe people should be removed from sin through graphic illustrations but rather through a relationship with Jesus Christ, or those who have judged the pastors who bring people to Jesus through the “prosperity” gospel. They are all bringing people to Jesus, and in His eyes we are all believers; we are all brothers and sisters. A family should not fight AMONGST each other; a family should stand hand in hand and fight WITH each other!

“Will the real Jesus please stand up”-

Not only do I believe that it has become harder for others to come to the family of Christ because we fight and argue with each other, but I also believe that we have made it harder because we have taken Him out of the picture. The real reason people are upset about this pastor and his home, is because we have made him out to be this supernatural being that does no wrong; that is without sin. I don’t say that to judge or condemn him but to say, “where is Jesus in this equation?” By putting these high expectations on these pastors (Matthew 23: 8) or any other Christian we have removed the very reason for Christ’s existence. If we were perfect, made no mistakes…….if we were without sin; there would have been no reason for God to send His one and only son to this earth to live a sinless life only to die a devastating death on a cross at OUR hands in OUR name.

WE DO NOT DESERVE THE GRACE THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED AT THE HANDS OF OUR GOD. But He has given us that Grace anyways. He did send His son, and His son did die on a cross. And for that we must show Grace as well. Our duty as a believer is not to hoard every ounce of Love and Mercy and Grace that He showers down upon us. Our duty as a believer is to share it with everyone; the least of these, and the most of these; and bring them into His family.

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

(Matthew 22:37-40)

Unconditional Love

Unconditional: (def.) not subject to a condition or special terms.

We hear a lot about unconditional love. About its importance and how we should strive to share it with those around us. It may be easy to picture when we think about our families; our spouses or our kids or even some of our relatives, but what does it mean when we think about those of the opposite sex that are not related to us?

To be honest with you, up until a few years ago I didn’t know what unconditional love meant outside of family (if I even knew what it meant there). The love I knew with the opposite sex…….well, it was conditional. In return for my love certain things were expected.

When I was about 13 a friend of mine found a large brown paper sack full of pornographic magazines next to the local convenient store dumpster. To the little boys who now had it in their possession, this was a gold mine!! In reality, as a 36 year old divorced father of 3, it was a curse!! You see these magazines were doing more to me than just bringing me pleasure and quick satisfaction; they were shaping my mind and my heart.

I quickly began to see females for their body parts, and not for their hearts. For this very reason it was very hard to have friendships with women. Actually, I didn’t think they were possible or that they really existed, because my mind had been shaped by the images that I had been staring at in those magazines. Sexual attraction accompanied most, if not all of the friendships that I did have.

Now there is a lot of good and bad that I could tell you that happened between now and then, but really to the point of this post it would really just be a lot of filler. The reason why I am writing this is to explain how our minds have been distorted by some of the very things that have given us enjoyment. For men, it may be the same porn magazines that I enjoyed; for women, it may be the love novels, soap operas, or even the glamour magazines (maybe porn as well). No matter what it is, they all have one thing in common…..they change our expectations, the conditions for which our ‘worldly’ love is built. They tell us that we can have something that is not ours for the taking, when we want it and how we want it. And that this, the expectations of our love, is how life is supposed to be.

But when I think about what true unconditional love SHOULD be between a man and a woman, I think about the relationships that were shared between Jesus and the women in his life. Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42), the sinful woman (Luke 7:36-50), and the revealing of His resurrection to Mary Magdalene (John 20:11-18) are all fine examples of the blessing He was to the women in His life with no expectations, no conditions. Even when you look at Paul and Silas with Lydia (Acts 16:11-15, 40) you see a relationship with no expectations other than that of a friendship, and a place to stay; with no expectations, no conditions.

My pastor recently did a series on friendships which included a sermon on community. There was nothing about the idea (biblically or otherwise) of friendships or community that excluded members of the opposite sex. Therefore when I read Acts 2:43-47 or Acts 4:32-35 I think about the ways in which we should love each other unconditionally; sharing what is ours (our possessions, our beings) without the expectations of anything in return.

Let’s face it, in a ‘Christian Singles’ world where we are given the idea that we are supposed to sit back and wait until God miraculously brings us our husband or wife in on a glittered unicorn with a bright flashing neon sign above their head that reads “Future Spouse =>” we tend to evaluate every man or woman that comes into our life as if we are looking for that SIGN. In reality all we are doing is throwing away opportunities for real authentic unconditional relationships.

I am not saying that we should not pursue “love”, we should, I believe that God wants that for us. What I am saying though, is let’s stop throwing away good friendships for the pursuit of it. Let’s get past our selfish nature and enjoy the people that God puts in our lives. If something more comes of it than great, but let us not be afraid to step back from that pursuit and look at that person through God’s eyes and love them as our brother or sister. We all have been made with different gifts and abilities, with different characters and personalities; let’s enjoy our differences and learn to live together per His requests, as one huge happy family.

Maybe, just…..a little awkward.

Have you ever been in one of those ‘awkward’ situations? You know the ones where you want to turn and run like Napoleon Dynamite, when the music stops early. Or, maybe you’re like me and you’ve created the awkwardness? You’ve attempted to talk to someone, but you don’t really know what to say so you end up doing what Tommy Boy does to his biscuit and you blow the entire conversation.

I read an article this morning and it got me really thinking about some of these situations; especially the situations in which women are involved.

See as much as I like women (I should, shouldn't I?), I really seem to have a fear of them. The Tommy Boy scene seems to happen to me quite often. I’m not sure why, but for some reason when it comes to women I become very…….well, awkward. For instance, when I was in college and worked for an office supply chain I can remember a girl coming in the store that looked like Yasmin Bleeth.

She came to the counter for some help; a counter that I was standing behind. I have no idea what she asked for. Why? Well because when she came up to me and asked me her question I instantly locked up. I could feel my body temperature rise, and could feel my sweat glands kick it into high gear. I am sure that my face changed to the brightest shade of red. And I don’t know exactly what I said in return, but I’m pretty sure it sounded a lot like this: “whah, whah whahwhah, whahwhahwhahwhah!” I was a mess!!! Bad thing is that I still get like this. If I am attracted to someone, even in the slightest, I get anxious and start to freak out, losing all control. Not really, well, yeah kind of….I don’t lock up, but I still freak out inside. I never really learned how to properly pursue a woman. The sad thing is that the only time I have ever had any luck at doing such a thing was when alcohol was involved. If I was drunk, I could talk to anyone (but really, who can’t?).

But…..I am done with that. Alcohol is not the big part of my life that it used to be; Christ has taken over. And I don’t want to rely on the things of this world to get me through those “awkward” situations, I want to rely on Him. Furthermore, I don’t want the fear of rejection to hold me back from the “bigger” things that He has in mind for me.

Fear can be a viscous monster. Whether it’s the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, or even the fear of success; fear can stop us from doing the things that we were meant to do. Even if the step we take doesn’t end the way we had hoped, it doesn’t mean that we weren’t meant to take it. The more we learn to overcome fear to go after the things we want (whether we get them or not), the more we will be able to overcome fear to go after the things that we need (to fulfill His design). We shouldn’t let fear become a habit, but instead make a habit of overcoming fear.

Although it would seem that this is about my pursuit of a woman (and I guess it still is) it is really much more than that. This is about going after ones hopes and dreams, the desires that are placed on our hearts. Sometimes there is only one way to find out where that desire comes from, and that’s by chasing it (desire). But we will never find out if it was supposed to be if we are hidden in the shadow of FEAR, unwilling to pursue. Whether it's a career, an idea, or a "someone", It's officially time to stop hiding and to start chasing.

"dream a little dream"

In one of my recent posts I mentioned some of the ways that I have felt God move me (see here), some of the things that I have felt on my heart and the ways I have seen them play out. There is no doubt that as you become closer to Him he works more and more in you and through you. In the devotional that I spoke of in that post He reminded me that "Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glorious future, to encourage you and spur you on". For some of us those glimpses may seem like fiction or fantasy, like something out of a fairy tale. But what's to say that a God as powerful as ours can't make dreams like those come true. I mean look at the story of Joseph, he had a dream.....a dream that neither his brothers, nor his father Jacob believed. A dream that at many times probably seemed to be washing away. However, Joseph was persistent and never gave up faith. He realized that the Lord was with him every step of the way, blessing anyone that he served. He saw the glimpses of his glorious future, and was encouraged to stay patient. He never once fled from the situation that the Lord had him in, because he knew that if he was faithful to the Lord it would one day pay off. Well, let's just say.......that it paid OFF! He ended up being the right hand man to Pharaoh of Egypt. Not too bad for a guy with a dream, huh?

You may have a dream, and if you're lucky, you may even be living that dream. But if you are like me (and most of you probably are), you have had some of those dreams and you have allowed fear to chase them away. One of the biggest combatants of fear is faith. It's time that we start believing in a God that can do the impossible, it's time that we believe that faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain.

Seek, and you shall find.

As we look to the Cross for guidance, I think that it is important to understand that His wisdom can come from more places than what we realize. There are a lot of people that have gone through the same (similar) situations that we find ourselves in and God has put it on their hearts to use their trials as their testimony to lead others to salvation. As I share these resources with you I think it is important that we keep in mind that not every situation is the exact same, and not everyone has been given the exact same direction in life. Read to your hearts desire, gain as much knowledge as possible, but realize that at the end of the day it is your life, His direction. Go to the Lord in prayer as you seek his wisdom, and ask Him to show you what He wants you to get out of it. He WILL show you what He wants you to see, you will feel it on your heart. If what you feel fits in line with what you know about Him, then you know what your next step is.

 

This book by Craig Groeschel, Pastor of Lifechurch.tv, was the first book I read when I started my walk with Christ. Craig gives an awesome view of what life can and will look like if you live it according to Gods will. It really convicted me on the things that I was doing in life to fit in and be normal, and helped me to realize that I wanted to be Weird.

Every Man's Battle really opened my eyes to the issues that can come with our sexual desires. It helped me to fight off the temptations from lust, pornography, and masturbation. If you too are looking to renew your life and live it with purity, this is a great book to start with.

Boy Meets Girl was the first relationship book that I read. When I made the decision to put my love life on hold it really helped me to understand what that looked like, and how to allow God to guide me through that to the next step.

Soul Detox is an amazing book about cleansing your mind, body, and spirit. It really helped me weed out a lot of the issues that plagued my soul.

Love Does is probably one of my favorite books, one that I need to read again. It really showed me how God can put things on our hearts and that we should not shy away from going after those things. God does not want us to live mediocre lives, living in fear of the unknown. He wants to have courage and conquer. Bob Goff will definitely inspire you to do so.

Although I did not make it through the book of Chazown, I did go through the Chazown course at church. Through this course I found my calling. A calling that I had felt on my heart for many, many years, but had ignored. If you feel lost, not knowing what you are supposed to be doing in your life, I highly suggest this book, and the course. It will truly open your eyes to what he has in store for you.

I Gave Dating a Chance is a recent read of mine, actually I just finished it up last week. It has given me some great ideas of what a Christian dating life (courtship, if you'd prefer) can look like when you date using a biblical perspective.

Here are a few other blogs and Facebook pages that I have been following that have given me a lot of good direction and inspiration.

Lifechurch.tv
Craig Groeschel
From this day forward. - Craig Groeschel on marriage, and making it work for Gods glory.
Going all the way. Craig Groeschel has a book by the same name that explains this in more detail.
The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating. Great message by Andy Stanley.
Jefferson Bethke
ChaseGod.tv Joseph Solomon
Gracefully Frank - Blog
Bob Goff


As I said these are a few things that have lead me on my current walk. They have all helped me to see what God sees in me, and shown me that I can leave all those fears and feelings of inadequacy behind me and live my life according to his plans. So go, and seek, and you shall find.

When God says move……..we should probably move.

There have been so many times in my life when I have had that feeling inside. You know that feeling that won’t go away. That feeling that is telling you to do something that you’re not sure you want to do. It’s like it comes from the heart, but your mind……well your fear filled mind says, “NOOOO!!” Now if you are wondering, when I say move……I don’t mean ‘move’ literally, at least not right now. You see this week, well this week, for one, was A…….MAZING! I have spent the last week up in the foot hills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Lynchburg, VA. I came here for an intensive course that was required for the Marriage and Family Therapy degree I am working towards through Liberty University….or was working towards; well let’s just say that hasn’t quite been decided yet.

                I came here with high expectations, and they were met, actually I’d say that’s an understatement. He really hit it out of the park this week. Yes, the God that never fails to surprise me surprised me again. Honestly, I was on a journey here to get my three credit hours, meet some good people (maybe even network), learn a little about Christian counseling while visiting what I expected was a beautiful campus, and then go home. Man…..was I off! Although, I do expect that I will get my three credit hours, I didn’t meet any good people. No, I met some awesome people. People that love God as much as I do (if not more), and were just as willing (as He is) to share that love with me. I didn’t learn a lot about Christian counseling. I learned a lot about letting Christ counsel through me. I learned how to shut up and listen, and learned that I cannot fix everything…….and don’t need to.

                I had the opportunity to play the counselor, and the counselee. It was amazing to see the Spirit move in so many people, including myself. Because we were working in two groups, I had to come up with two ‘problems’ that my counselors could counsel me on. One was based on a feeling that I have had for a while regarding my current job, and the other dealt with an urge I had got when I first got here at the beginning of the week. When I got here, I knew that I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to run (ok, walk) around this beautiful campus. On one of the first occasions I really felt at peace here, and imagined all of the perks to living near campus. I thought that it was definitely an option to consider. However, I don’t think that He did. That evening I prayed about it, and even sent a message to my Lifegroup asking them to pray that He would give me guidance and discernment. That next morning (of course) I started my morning off with the following devotional:

“You are my beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment.

Your hope and your future are rooted in heaven, where eternal ecstasy awaits you. Nothing can rob you of your inheritance of unimaginable riches and well-being. Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glorious future, to encourage you and spur you on. But your main focus should be staying close to Me. I set the pace in keeping with your needs and My purposes.”

In other words, I think he was saying “whoa, slow down there fella! I’ve got way too much for you back home.” But it didn’t seem to stop there. For some reason, several of these people that I was starting to get to know, started to put other ideas in my head. Not entirely different from the ideas that I had already had, just a slightly different direction. As I mentioned, I am currently working towards a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. And I, without a doubt, believe that that is my calling. However, I don’t know that it actually looks the way I thought it did. You see I started this journey with a class at my church called ‘Chazown’ where I discovered the following statement about my calling. I am to “Pastor men to be the fathers and husbands that they were called to be, and Pastor women to be the mothers and wives that they were called to be, through counseling and encouragement.” Did you notice the capitalized words in that sentence? Yeah, well that is the word that I kept hearing being thrown my way this week. So am I going to move, well let’s just say I’m going to do something about it. Luckily a pastoral counseling degree does not differ too much from what I have already completed. So, for me my next step is to see what that may look like for me. I have to look at my options, and what that may mean for my current working situation……I may just kill two birds with one stone (solving both of this weeks ‘problems’). Up to this point I have always considered marriage and family to be my ministry, but now as I am finding, it may actually be a MINISTRY.

                Well, I’ve pretty much covered when we should move…..when God says to. In this particular case, he has told me that my direction is slightly different than I had originally thought. And I bring this to you (hoping that SOMEONE has actually read it) in hopes that you can help me stay on track, and keep me accountable to this new vision. What exactly does that vision entail, I am not quite sure yet. But please don’t let me stop pursuing it, unless of course He tells me otherwise.

                Sometimes His demands on us may look a little different. They are not always life changing, course shifting demands. But they can be equally important. There were several people that I met this week, that I seemed to have an immediate connection with……we shared some notable things in common. Just to keep it simple, as we shared our stories and made small conversation, pieces of their stories stuck out. They rang a bell, so to speak. And sometimes when that happens we may find that we were put in that situation to answer a call. You can even call it ‘DIVINE APPOINTMENT’. You were supposed to meet that person. Our Father gave you a key, a key that they lost, and He wants you to give it to them. In one particular case, it just meant giving someone a book that I had just finished reading. For me, it was just a book that may be helpful for their situation. But as they explained, it was a confirmation that they had been waiting for.

In another situation, the bell had been rung, but I had missed my opportunity (or so I thought) to share my thoughts. Class was over and everyone was leaving town. As I ran some errands I continued to ponder on the situation (or chew on the cud, as my instructor stated), considering an email, but then as I walked through the bookstore doors…….there that person stood. I nervously made a silly comment as I walked by; I struggled with the idea of sharing the thoughts that had been put on my heart. I really felt that it was something that I needed to do, but I just could not get myself to do it.

I didn’t want to leave without giving it a shot. I made another corky statement and we started to talk. Finally the thought slipped past my tongue. It.was.such.a.relief!!!! I wasn’t quite sure what that person was going to do with that thought, but it felt good to finally get it out. It started a good conversation, an emotional one. You could tell that the Spirit was right there with us the whole time. And as you can guess, I am so extremely happy that I made the move, that I answered the call. If I hadn’t there would’ve been a lot of ‘what ifs’ for me and may have been a lot of ‘unanswered’ for them.

Why do I share this? Because I know that every single one of you that will read this, and everyone that will not, is just like me. You get a feeling in your heart, an urge to do or say something to someone, and you just can’t find the courage to do it. Well this is me, telling you that you can and you should. I’m not saying that when you get excited about an attractive person of the opposite sex, you should run over and throw your arms around them, then run off and get married…….or that because you suddenly decide that you want to move away to Hawaii (or Lynchburg, VA) you should. What I’m saying is, check your thoughts against what you know about God, and if it fits in line with whom He is…..GO FOR IT! This is about those times when someone you know is down, and you want to pick them up, maybe even give them a hug. But the thought of doing so, seems awkward or uncomfortable. Get over yourself. (J) The cross that Christ carried on his back for you and I was awkward and uncomfortable, this is nothing. Love one another as He loves us.

The talks we don't want to have.....but need to.

So I've really been contemplating posting something about this for sometime and have hesitated up until now. But last night I thankfully had an unfortunate conversation with my 11 yr old son. I say thankfully, because I was able to have the talk with him early.....I say unfortunate, because I think 11 yrs old is too young to have to worry about masturbation and porn. There I said it.....MASTURBATION and PORN. I was informed during this conversation that the boys at school are already talking about masturbation and showing each other pornographic images on their data phones at school and on the bus. That's right......those little devices that get so many adults in trouble, can actually get kids into trouble too. Why are you posting this? You may ask. Well here is why. Parents........we have to have these talks with our kids........we have to be proactive and warn them of the long term consequences. These things have killed relationships, destroyed marriages, destroyed lives. This is not something that we can continue to sweep under the rug and hope that society, peers, or school leaders will properly direct them on. I actually saw a post on here a while back from a mother joking about her teenage boys talking and laughing in a restaurant about "boobies", I've also seen others post pictures of their little boys with the girls of Hooters. Is that really the way we want our women looked at and treated? I am no woman, but I think the idea of being looked at as a piece of meat would discuss me??? So why are we as fathers....and mothers allowing our kids to grow up thinking it's "all good" to look at, laugh at, and lust after our sisters, mothers, and daughters. I have a daughter and the thought of a man, or boy for that matter, ever looking at her the way society (we) set the example for appalls me, and quite frankly pisses me off. The fact that, because of these societal views, I looked at women that way disgusts me even more. (for more insight please read http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/03/after-steubenville-what-our-sons-needs-to-know-about-manhood/ ) Please understand that this is not an attack on anyone for anything that has been done. Lord knows that I have screwed up many a time, I am not here to judge, I am simply asking that we all, every single one of us, step up and lead our kids the way they need to be lead. We are their parents, they look up to us, and whether you believe it or not they will follow our lead. So lets set the good example, lets talk with them.......we don't need to fight or yell, let them know that we've messed up and show them grace for their mistakes. Let them know and understand that we are there for them, no matter what the topic is. I am so thankful for the fact that my son talked to me about this, it's not an indicator of who I am as a father, but of what my Father (in heaven) has done through me. Give them love and direction. Lets get our families back, lets get our purity back. We as parents may not be able to save the world, but we can save our kids.

He knows you are capable!

As a follower of Christ we often think (talk) about the faith that we have in The Lord, the knowledge that we have of his Greatness. When we think about this faith we often consider the fact that He brings us in or out of situations on His time when he knows that we are ready. It's something that I think about often as I try to find patience in the pace that my life is proceeding. Sometimes that can be difficult. We want things now, we don't want to wait. But as this is often my thinking, I tend to forget about the situations that he has put me in (or in some cases delivered me from). I am the father of 3 of the most beautiful kids in the world. He has given me the responsibility of being their father. He said, "Brian, I know you are capable." He has put me (yes the divorced guy) on the path towards my calling as a Marriage and Family Therapist so that I can speak life and healing into the relationships of others. He said, "Brian, I know you are capable." I am a leader in both children and youth ministries. He said, "Brian, I know you are capable."
There are, no doubt, a lot of things that you as a follower are waiting for Him to bless you with. And as you wait you are trying to figure out what it is that he is changing in you before he provides. It's easy to just say, "Lord, I am thankful for what you have provided", and actually feel blessed about it. But maybe it's time for you to look at the situations that he has provided for you, and not just realize that you are blessed, but really understand that he is truly saying, "I know that you are capable!"
I hope that this post gives you an understanding and confidence in what The Lord truly thinks about you. It's not just about what he may or may not provide, but what he already has!

No one said it was easy……….but man will it be worth it.

As a man that tries his best to live within Gods will, it’s easy to get confused even sometimes a little frustrated. You want his direction so badly, but when you don’t get it right away you start to doubt, you start to get discouraged. However, when I really think about it from his perspective as a father, I realize what he is doing. As I was reminded this weekend, in another awesome sermon from our pastor, we are the sheep and Jesus is the Good Shepherd. As sheep we are lost, defenseless, stubborn, and filthy……..key word to my point here, STUBBORN. He gave us free will, which has its good and bad. If he gave us direction for everything in life we would not have free will, we would be like robots. That is not what he wants from us. If we just follow we have no heart, no desire for him or anything that he wants to bless us with. He wants us to have a heart like His, and in a world of lies and filled with sin a heart like his has to be learned. How do we learn, you ask? Sometimes it’s by being led, but OH SO often it is by falling on our face. When my children learned to walk, I didn’t hold their hand every time. When they learned to ride their bikes without training wheels, it wasn’t by me running around holding them up the entire time. No, I had to let go. I had to let them learn how to walk and ride on their own, and often times that meant falling, skinning their knee or elbow, or sometimes worse. Our pastor told a story about a time when he was babysitting with his (now) wife. The child they were watching was heading towards the box fan with full intentions of putting his hand in it. Our pastor explained how he “dove” on the child to save him from impending doom. J And as a parent, that is what you do……..the first or second time. But as stubborn as we are, we want to learn on our own, and sometimes have to. You see we might push their hand away from the fan a couple of times, but as long as its plastic at some point we say……”alright kiddo, I guess you have to figure this one out on your own.” And guess what, they do! The thing is that not only does this teach them things that they may not otherwise want to hear but need to know, but it also teaches them trust. “Wow, daddy said that would happen if I did that……and it did!” The same is true for Jesus, our Lord and Savior. There are things that he wants to teach us himself, and some things he knows we need to learn on our own. Not just because it is a better lesson when we learn it hands on, but because when we have to learn it on our own we realize how much better it is when we lean on him.

To be truly open and transparent, I am living this right now. As a single adult I find myself wanting nothing more, nothing less than to find my future spouse……….according to His will. And I have to believe that as long as I stay close to Him I will. Often I get scared, because when I pray to him about these things I don’t feel like I get the answers that I am seeking. However, what I am slowly starting to hear and see, is Him standing next to me telling me, “Brian, it’s ok. I’ve shown you what to do, I’ve shown you how to love, just do it. If you start to stray, I will correct you. If you fall, I will pick you up. I’ve got you son. Do as I have taught you and you will be fine.”

I have no idea where this area of my life is headed, but I have true faith and a HUGE excitement for the fact that with Him by my side, I will find nothing less than WONDERFUL.

Get out of jail card

Yesterday my oldest son got caught skipping his Spanish class with a so called “friend”. Something I never ever expected from him. My first feeling was that of disappointment, not anger but disappointment. How could Zachary do this…….this is not at all like him? As we “calmly” discussed the situation on the way to church last night he told me that he knew that it was wrong, but that he did it because his friend asked him to. I explained to my kids that I will always try my best to show them the very same grace that God has shown me. I explained to them how God may discipline us for our sins, but that he will always do it with Love and Grace. I wanted them to understand that all though they may get punished and will have to pay the consequences I will still love them and they will be forgiven. As I was explaining this to them I had one of those, “aha” moments. You know, the moment when the Holy Spirit is talking through you and you here the things coming out of your mouth and you go, “AHA, I see!!!!”

If you’re anything like me you may have some of those habitual sins that you can’t seem to shake…..or may even tell yourself that you don’t need to shake. You may think about doing something, realizing that it is wrong, but go through with it anyways. I think sometimes as believers we try to tell ourselves that He has grace on us, he has already paid the price, this one little sin isn’t going to do any harm……I am forgiven. We use his Grace as our “get out of jail free” card. Sounds good in theory, but as I was talking to my kids last night I realized the true ramifications of this ideology. Yes God has forgiven me for all of my sins; past, present, and future. Yes we are imperfect, and will never be worthy of the wonderful Grace that he has given us, but does that mean that we can’t try? Here’s the thing that I told my kids last night in that moment. When we sin, God says “I forgive you, I already sent my son to die for these sins”, and when we repent and remove the sin we say “thank you Lord for your son Jesus Christ, and thank you for the sacrifice that he paid for me on the cross, your love for me is unconceivable”. But when we sin and God says “I forgive you, I already sent my son to die for these sins”, and we continue to do the same sin over and over and over again, or we know that we shouldn’t do something and do it anyways, we are saying “thank you Lord for your son Jesus Christ, but I am better than he, and this sin is worth way more to me than the sacrifice that was paid. Your son was great, but I am greater”. OUCHHHHH!!!!!! Hurts doesn’t it? Yes, and I say that every single time I do something that I know I shouldn’t be doing, or when I repeatedly do the same thing. The sad thing is that neither our realization of this, nor our consequences for these actions, will ever hurt nearly as much as pain that Jesus endured for our sins. Do we leave another scar on his side with every sin we do? I don’t know, but I am pretty sure that it puts a tear in his eye.

7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:7-10

Don't give up!!

I realize that over the last 1-2 years on Facebook I have made it appear that I am full of nothing but joy and happiness, and have been posting nothing but inspirational (hopefully) posts and scriptures, never airing out my dirty laundry.  This is actually the way it should be out on the web, but never the less, normally isn’t.  We don’t need to let everyone know when we are mad at our loved ones, or when we hate our boss. However, because of this, I fear that I may have given the impression that everything I have done is ok, and that I am a perfect God loving person, and that all because of this nothing I have done or will ever do, will be wrong in my eyes or His.

I messed up! I mess up! I will mess up! It is wrong in my eyes and in his! You see…….almost two years ago my wife moved out of our house. We hated each other. We were both set on divorce and nothing or nobody was going to stop us. And neither it nor they did. But you see, that’s the problem, nothing or no one persistently tried to stop us. We now live in a society and in a country full of people that think its ok to get a divorce. I was the same way, I thought that just because things were hard and she wasn’t doing things the way I thought she should have been doing them (and I wasn’t doing things the way I should’ve been doing them), I had a right to give up and quit. Please understand that I know that there are extreme conditions where we must flee due to our safety and sometimes the safety of our kids. But for so many divorced couples this is not the case. We give up because things aren’t going the way we thought they would, or should.

“I just don’t love him anymore.”  “She’s always nagging me.” “He/she is not the same person I married.”

Those are our excuses. The thing is though, those are not good enough! Those are lame excuses. Heck, I don’t like my job, but you know what…….I’m still working, because I have to. I have to support my family. And that’s the way we should look at marriage. You see marriage is a sacred institution. Like so many great people have said before me, it’s a covenant not a contract. It’s not something that we are supposed to be able to release ourselves from just because the other party is not completely meeting our expectations. It’s something that we are supposed to hold dear to our hearts and fight for…….never give up on. This union is so special and important to God that he compares it to Christ’s love and sacrifice for us. (Ephesians 5:21-33)

I guess by writing this my hope is that we will all stop taking this union for granted. When our marriages are rough, fight……DON’T GIVE UP. And when a friend or a loved one around us (or even 7 hours away) is having a hard time or their times are tough…….DON’T LET THEM GIVE UP! We will never find happiness, looking for it in the wrong place. It’s right in front of us…….just reach and grab His hand!!!!!

If you feel that your partner is not the same person that they used to be…..get to know them again. We all change, even if it’s just a little. You don’t love your partner anymore……try loving them again. Love is an action, not just a feeling. Get out of your recliner and swoo her again. I’m willing to bet that if you get away from the TV or get off the computer (or video games) you’ll actually see the things that you fell in love with.

If you are reading this……I love you and God loves you. If you find that you fit into this situation, this is not me pointing fingers. As you read above, I’ve been there. This is me telling my story so that you can learn from it. If you knew me when I made my mistake, this is not me pointing my finger at you either. This is just the wisdom that I have been given through a new found relationship with Christ. God bless everyone of you.

What is your Next Step?

Why is it that we have such big fears and such little faith? Jesus tells us in Matthew 17:20 that with faith in God we could tell a mountain to move and it would move. Yet, for some reason when he asks us to move we let the fear and the lies from satan keep us from moving. Shouldn't we have more faith and obedience than the mountains? For so many of us, there is a feeling inside, a feeling that te...lls us we need to make a move, that we need to take a step in his direction, the direction that he is pulling us in. Aren't you tired of that feeling of regret and despair? That anguish you feel inside, when you feel like your supposed to go after something and you don't! It's only there because we're choosing not to listen to him calling us. He's calling us to something greater!! What's your next step? Don't you think it's time you've taken it??
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. ” (Matthew 17:20 NLT)